Is this the most boring Big Brother since BB4? I have to admit Ive let this blog slip a bit recently as Ive been busy with other projects but seriously, this series is a cure for anyones insomnia. Last years Big Brother wasnt much better with the vacuous twins and bed wetting Brian, I still cant believe he won.
Anyway, whos left? Rachel, oh god do me a bloody favour she has to be the dullest person ever to grace the small screen, even outstripping some of the bland numpties from previous series. Miss Nicey Ricey was recently attacked by Rex Nomark for being tedious as he shouted 'Id swap you for scrabble'. Sorry Rex but I take offence at that, scrabble can be good fun and quite interesting, words I wouldnt be using to describle Ms Nice. She is up for eviction this week, please please vote her out for the sake of my sanity.
Next, the human vacuum cleaner, otherwise known as Mohammed. All he does is sleep and suck up the weeks shopping in a couple of sittings. Yawn. I wonder if he changed the setting from suck to blow, everything would come out neatly packaged and ready to be stacked again in the kitchen cupboards. Maybe if you cut him open you would find Jonah in his stomach. A reasonable enough guy but sadly a bore.
Why does Sarah the Aussie sound as if she has a sore throat but is yodelling every time she speaks? OI NOI! Perhaps shes perfecting her Jimmy Savile impressions by secretly working it into her every day speech. Theres also a rumour on the net that she gave eyeliner wearing ennuifest Stu a blow job. Still wouldnt have livened up the show if it were true. I cant talk about Stu, it will send me into a coma.
Poor albino Darnell is drowning in his own self induced misery shitpool. Constantly whining about his lack of self esteem and inability to get a girlfriend, each time he surfaces for air he manages to crap on his own head and submerge himself further. Perhaps he should take some of the drugs he was dealing and lighten up. Oh sorry he cant. Hes an albino.
Rex Nomark the executive chef split most of his Big Brother time trying to annoy the other houesmates or was whining about his girlfriend. In a very unimaginitive 'twist' Channel 4 then put his girlfriend into the house, and now he spends 50% of time moaning that Nicole is in there with him, and the other 50% pissing her off. Oh the irony.
Kathreya is still eating cookies and has a voice that could shatter glass when she is singing, if thats the word to describe her efforts. It sounds more like she stubbed her toe and sat on a pin whilst being smacked across the head with an iron bar, all at the same time.
The final two are Lisa and Mikey, who seem to be the best of a bad boring bland bucket of bollocks housemates. Mikeys theatrical shouty diary performances are reasonably entertaining if not a tad overdone. Its a bit like watching Madonna trying to act. Amusing in a twisted way.
Lisa, the human fembot is clearly insane, but out of all she is my favourite to win. Built like an Amazon warrior with the brain of a Broadmoor inmate, she is subtly bonkers talking about little green men from Mars, and how one of her body building friends discovered DNA. Guaranteed to give Steven Hawking a run for his money, she understands the subtle workings of the universe, explaining that it was calling Mario The Facilitator to better things when he got evicted. Um, no Lisa the public just didnt like him.
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